Oh......my.....gawd. OOOOOOWWW! Lol. Well, this is one dumb-ass decision that I won't be making twice. Holy Hell. I knew, by the time my shoulders got warm, that I was in trouble. However, the point of family time is to enjoy time with family.
Getting everyone in one place, at the same time, is like facilitating an act of Congress. It's nearly impossible. I wasn't going to let a little sunburn put a stop to the party.
So, for today, I'll be nursing the stinging sensation of ,"Oh,damn." In other news, my birthday is tomorrow! My family and friends have all given me their love for my special day. I can hardly wait to begin the next year of my life. It's already off to a fantasy start!
I've got a little time before production begins. The crew is tidying the set. The director ran to get supplies. My costar is finishing up her first scene. I love these quiet times, during the hustle and bustle of shooting. It gives me time to absorb my surroundings, to appreciate the work that goes into making these things possible.
I am grateful. For many reasons, I'm a very happy woman. So, while I have a minute, I want to acknowledge the contributions which have made my longevity possible, and, why.
This year, I made the deliberate decision to leave camming, for good. It wasn't necessarily because of the challenging fantasies I was obligated to entertain. Those became easily dismissable. I found that the more success I achieved, with camming, the greater the distance I was from my industry goals. This lead to a cumulative,cyclical depression and weight gain.
I've been very fortunate to be funded by caring financiers, keeping my household out of financial ruin so I am able to lose this weight and regain traction in my personal and professional life. This has given me the opportunity to essentially get my life back.
I've met my goals, you guys. I've lost the weight. I've maintained my relevance. My household has recovered from trauma. My birthday is coming this week(you can send me gifts via tips, here, if you'd like).
I finally feel like I'm where I've wanted to be. To my benefactors and investors- my birthday is a celebration of magnitude. Thank you. To my fans: your loyalty will NEVER be taken for granted. I love you all. 😚😚😚
On set, washing the tan line from my feet. Lol...... The producer said the tan line was cool, but, the director was happy to see me wash it off. Foot fetish seems to be gaining ground in the Porn industry. I'm relieved to see this transition. The taboo scripts were disenchanting to my comfort.
Here I am again, tv murmuring in the darkened living room. Everyone is asleep. My phone the only bright light in the room.
Some colleagues reached out to me for some help today. One, a group in charge of defending sex worker's rights. The other, an advocate for performer's safety.
There's a cavernous miscommunication happening, between these two well-meaning entities. I'll explain, with minor anonymity:
A male performer, who's no longer in the industry, has a caustic, social dating history with several female talents. During his time with each woman, he's been accused of knowingly infecting them with herpes, a potentially career-ending infection, depending on the severity and frequency of the person's outbreaks. A model, male or female, is NOT permitted to be on camera, or, even on set, if they have an active outbreak or lesions.
Many human beings live active, healthy lives, even romantic ones, with the herpes simplex virus. It's a perfectly manageable, common condition. However, when sex work is considered, it's almost as bad as getting HIV. There's an assassinating stigma associated with a performer who's got, or even worse, GIVEN to another performer, herpes.
Getting back on track, the safety advisor was notified by this former male's lovers, some industry females, that he has been contacting new models for XXX work, knowing he's deliberately infected others with the virus, without telling them he was infected.
The safety advisor contacted the performer's rights group to warn them, imploring them to help prevent this male's return to the industry, after he'd viciously infected others, to keep his virus a secret.
The performer's rights group immediately jumped to the protection of the accused, requiring proof of the male's history, which is a crime, punishable by law. To inhibit a person's ability to work, by damaging their reputation falsely, is slander, also a crime. Exes sometimes seek to destroy a former lover by castrating him/her professionally.
Both of these groups are absolutely doing their jobs. Both are honourable to stand their ground. Both are caught up in being impenetrable, on behalf of their beliefs.
What's missing? Information being shared in the middle.
The accusers need to come forward, each of them. If they truly want to protect future female performers, they can speak directly to the performer's rights groups, instead of sending the safety advisor. Substantiate the claim made against the male. Provide emails, texts, doctor's diagnoses,etc. In light of that irrefutable evidence, the performer's rights group would have no choice but to step in to protect potential victims.
Until then, it is their obligation to protect the male from libelous accusations and social media slander.
Better yet, employ an independent party to conduct an investigation.
I hope these two powerful forces of good can put their dukes down long enough to meet in the middle and reach the truth. No egos necessary. No apologies needed. Just truth and the forward movement of our work.
😐
Today was an amazing day. After five years, I finally got to work with Tarantino XXX Studios! This director is a gifted artist- creative, intuitive, and downright pleasant!
I'm really, really looking forward to doing more work with this studio. Their publications are fun. 😊 In this photo, the director is previewing footage before moving on to the next segment of shooting. I was feeling silly, after improv had us all laughing.
I've been running around, getting ready for my tour in Italy, in two weeks. I can hardly wait to go to all of these places, meeting fans and reaching out to my European audience. It's been a long time coming. Today, I give you all a more personal look at my off-camera life. This is a picture of my sisters, first time I'd seen them in years. KEEP YOUR COMMENTS POLITE. It took them a long time to come to terms with what I did for a living, even though I enjoy what I do. They're all traditionally living, happy in their lives.
My whole life, I've been the black sheep of my bloodline. I'd always felt bad about being different, was always made to feel like an outsider. I'm the tall one, the only blonde. I'm the one who loved outside of their expectations, behaved outside of their rules.
Race, sexual orientation, May/December differences, financial affiliations.... none of that mattered to me. Maybe it was a gift, being ostracized my whole childhood. It taught me to see people, all people. I was forced to learn love for the goodness in others, not just their physical characteristics. In short, I grew up learning to fend for myself, which is why I'm so markedly different.
People are compliments to a complete life, not accessories or resources.
For now, I've got two scenes to prepare for, this afternoon. I'm sending my love to you all. 😚😚😚
These images are exclusively for you, my OnlyFans members! The video will be published on my website, but, I was need to spoil you a bit tonight.
My chest is heavy, my asthma has been bugging me all day. Probably need to drink more water.🤔
I read something today that stuck in my head, I was wondering if any of you saw the same piece. It was a Lisa Ann interview, promoting the upcoming release of, 'After Porn Ends 2'.
It's a bit long, very, very thorough. She describes, in detail, the horrific bullying she experienced from other Pornstars. I've met Lisa Ann, she probably wouldn't remember me, but, I instantly loved her. In no way was she anything but gracious, kind, funny, and electric. The thought of her being treated so terribly, by women who wanted to be her, blew my mind.
I decided, just this past year, that several people, on the inside of the industry, could go fuck themselves. This was a costly, yet liberating, decision. I've been berated and cast out because of my alternative interests. Fuck 'em.
Working interracially caused temporary backlash. Fuck 'em.
Getting on camera with transgender women ostracized me by homophobic male talent. Fuck 'em.
Next on my list? Bisexual men. Why? Because it fascinates me. So many men, of all orientations, hide their fantasies because they're afraid.
Men who've never had a threesome. Men who've taken an interest in trans women. Men who wonder what the touch of another male would be like. There's no judgment allowed on my page.
NONE.
The things I do on camera are of personal interest, to me. I've just been fortunate enough to reach others with similar interests.
(Accidentally hit the sent button)
So, I get it, the bullying. I totally, 100% get it. I've spent a lifetime never fitting into any specific clique or category. It's lonely, painful, discouraging. Until the day one wakes up and stops giving a fuck.
I did.
I've been working like a goof, I'm tired and my body won't let me sleep.
There's so much I want to do, so many things I want to accomplish. There's a storm brewing on the horizon...... the desert is about to be flooded.
I'm receiving the raw footage from yesterday's shoot! I think my website is going to hire this director, full-time. I'm simply silly about the exceptional quality of these images.
I hired the most advanced cinematographer to shoot this scene, for my website. His photography and editing yield such an incredible, high production value. I really, really think you will enjoy this. Even the behind the scenes footage is sexy as Hell!
Get ready for the pics! I want to wish a very happy birthday to a very special friend of mine. Without you, none of this would be possible. May your future yield love, laughter, and long life. 😚
Roar. 😐 That was delightful sarcasm. I was told, about myself, by myself. Just when my id-jiot brain swears it knows better, than the average, medical superhero, BAAM! Reality bit me right in the ass.
After months of eating like a lunatic lab rat, my family came to visit this weekend.
These are Texas folks. If any of you are from Texas, or, at the very least, southern, you know how these individuals throw down. First thing they said, after coming down the terminal, was, " Girl, we need to fatten you up, you're just wasting away. "(I'm definitely NOT 'wasting away,' but, my appearance is noticeably more fit. To some southern folks, this means sick or hippie-liberal-ish.....lol)
My relatives, with all of their festive love and generous disregard for the Surgeon General, proceeded to cook up the most horrifyingly delicious plates my deprived commitment could witness.
Once, just once, I ventured to join in these culinary masterpieces. Didn't want to be rude, they were so proud to share their cooking. I thought to myself, " A little won't hurt, I'm working out and being really, really good. "
Naaaaaaah. I could hear my doctor, en absentia, laughing his ass off, as my stomach took a three day chorus of, " F*ck you, AJ." Oh, f*ck me, was right.
For three days, I couldn't think straight, sleep, or muster the energy to be the charming tour guide for my enthusiastic and unsympathetic , highly amused visitors. I believe my sister's words were, " Serves you right for eating like a commie." 😂😂😂 The b*tch....
So, note to self: stick to Dr Awesome's highly effective and educated advice.
*****While I recover from this digestive middle finger, I'm extending free dms through the rest of the week. I'm shooting with tattoo vice, Jenn Hexx, tomorrow. You'll see exclusive video here, only!*****
Fuck me......I got up at 0130 because I'm a goofball, more afraid of being late than of being tired. Today is a big day! Brazzers brought me back for a second shoot, in two weeks! I just be doing something right......This is my morning, so far. Now, I've got to upload these photos to their Snapchat. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, as far ass that goes, but, they said no nudity. So, you guys get the awesome stuff nudity included. Lol. Who loves ya? 😁
I've been working like a lunatic, on my latest weight loss goals. Thankfully, with the expert advice of a loving medical team, my goals are being reached. One at a time, I'm blasting through each triumph, in a defiant blaze of glory. My schedule has been dramatically interrupted, again, by family events. Thankfully, they're happy ones. I will extend my free dms until Monday. All messages written before Monday will be free. I'll answer as many as I can, as fast as I am able, starting tonight.
I'm truly grateful for your generous patience. 😙😙😙😙😙
Night and day. Yesterday was a long work day, but, I did manage to habe done fun last night.
Alas, it was short-lived. Just as I thought a wild fuck fest would ensue, someone started taking photos.... that's bad mojo in a sex club. Anonymity is a requirement!
So, there I was, surrounded by a room full of erections, all for my eager intentions.
So bummed. Lol..... it'll be a while before I go back. There's work to do every day, mostly all day.
Moral of the story is: don't be a dick in a sex club by pulling out your phone. I was totally amped to do a room. 😋
