It's been nice to explore seeing a side of myself I've always felt, but never reflected back in the mirror. Even if the hair doesn't feel like me every day, there are certain days where it feels more me than ever. And being more aware of that change on the physical level has made me realize it's probably always been there. Now I just feel it on my skull.
2022-11-11 05:00:25 +0000 UTC View Post
While I prefer my leaner body, I'm happy I can also love my thicker self. But there is a balance of abs and ass that I like to maintain and hope to return to.
2022-11-08 17:00:29 +0000 UTC View Post
I no longer think there's a threshold for pain. As long as the body believes it will live, I don't know that the limit exists beyond the one that the mind sets. Is the road to adulthood just an exercise in getting more comfortable with chaos, rather than getting better at avoiding it?
2022-11-07 05:00:25 +0000 UTC View Post
I think this is the most even my tan has ever been. It only took a year naked in the mountains... But those shoulders are forever 🫠
2022-11-05 04:00:33 +0000 UTC View Post
The hair has been a difficult adjustment that I'm still not sure where I land on. But we're here!
2022-11-03 04:00:31 +0000 UTC View Post
Take me back to warmer weather
2022-11-02 04:00:36 +0000 UTC View Post
Unsexy Stories: Part 31 I hope you occasionally remove your mask. At least to yourself. And remind yourself that you are valuable as you are. It's fun to adopt and live as our other parts. To play in polarity. But don't lose sense of your centre. That's where you're designed to be. Swing hard and far and enjoy the momentum that comes from the back and forth - as long as you do so with awareness. And then don't demonize the stillness you crave when the momentum takes hold. The grass truly always is greener because that's how our eyes perceive light. Look it up.
2022-10-31 04:00:24 +0000 UTC View Post
Unsexy Stories: Part 30 I used to feel a lot of agony because of my lack of grounding. Until I started to think of it as a skill. Living out of a suitcase by design can be a struggle. But it's also an adventure. And if I live in resistance, that's what I experience.
2022-10-30 04:00:33 +0000 UTC View Post
Unsexy Stories: Part 29 Groups only made me feel lonely as long as I told myself I wanted to be a part of them. But any time I've found myself in an environment that requires alcohol or dissociation to cope, I've questioned my attendance. Do I actually want to be here? Or am I just telling myself that I do? Do I actually have FOMO? Or do I fear judgement of being honest? Frequently I'd rather be at home with animals creating or consuming content and maybe tying up furniture or a friend. On the odd occasion, I want to go out and rage. But then I immediately want to return to my onesie.
2022-10-29 04:00:29 +0000 UTC View Post
Unsexy Stories: Part 28 What wakes us up? What is the moment that first flickers the light? Is it a single spark or a series of small ones that finally ignite? Are there "ah-ha" moments? Or a fractal of small ones that build up to a breakthrough? Is there a difference? Does it matter? Have you drank water today?
2022-10-28 04:00:27 +0000 UTC View Post
Unsexy Stories: Part 27 First never follows. Making out front an intimidating place to be. Nothing but space. No thing but space.
2022-10-27 04:00:23 +0000 UTC View Post
Unsexy Stories: Part 26 Bodies perform simultaneously as many miracles as they create. But we see what we turn our eyes to.
2022-10-26 04:00:26 +0000 UTC View Post
Unsexy Stories: Part 25 Even though I rarely see my own tattoo, it's weird to see myself without it.
2022-10-25 04:00:27 +0000 UTC View Post
Unsexy Stories: Part 24 Depression steals your time, energy, youth, motivation and connection. But it also provides slow, clearing, growth. Winter is not the end. It's a necessary predecessor to spring. Without the cold and quiet and dark and death we have no light and life. The ends of cycles nurture the beginnings of new growth. Plants don't rush.
2022-10-24 04:00:28 +0000 UTC View Post
Unsexy Story: Part 23 The first time I squirted I was sitting on his face and thought I p33d in his mouth. I was mortified. I spent the whole night trying to smell his neck to confirm if that's what had happened. It had it's own smell. Kind of like p33. But kind of not. Eventually I'm sure I passed out from hyperventilating on my own fumes.
2022-10-23 04:00:22 +0000 UTC View Post
Unsexy Stories: Part 22 I'm probably not showering today
2022-10-22 04:00:21 +0000 UTC View Post
Unsexy Stories: Part 21 I'm the strongest I've been in a long time. I'm the heaviest I've been in a long time. This duality causes conflict within me. I could do more. But then the ego reingages. Slowness has been a good training tool. But also causes cushion. So does curry. (it better get here soon). My cushion does not define my worth. But it does slow my movement. And sculpt my skeleton. But I suppose the pendulum is rarely still.
2022-10-21 04:00:26 +0000 UTC View Post
Unsexy Stories: Part 20 How do you decide what's for you and what's for others? What of yourself is private vs. public? What even decides that? We used to deem ankles something of scandal. Now we catalogue and monetize our buttholes.
2022-10-20 04:00:29 +0000 UTC View Post
Unsexy Stories: Part 19 As a neurodivergent pret33n in the 90s, I didn't have a lot of resources to understand how to interact energetically. Especially with the opposite sex. So I turned to p0rn at an early age. I never felt stimulated by it - purely for research purposes. I quickly found the performative nature to be far from what I was after and needed more information. So I started scouring the early web for whatever sex education I could find. Frequently I found my most useful tidbits in chatrooms. Having conversations with other humans likely also hiding behind false images, I found at least the live feedback provided more information for me to use. What do humans actually want to know? Talk about? Are turned on by? A friend turned me onto this approach and taught me how to sext. I'm not sure why and was too scared to ask at the time, but watching her talk online and command a room with her offerings immediately had my attention. Because it had theirs too.
2022-10-19 04:00:20 +0000 UTC View Post
Unsexy Stories: Part 18 Move Often Eat Well Get Sunshine Breathe Deep Drink Water Sleep Smile It's not hard to be human. And yet it is.
2022-10-18 04:00:24 +0000 UTC View Post
Unsexy Stories: Part 17 I cry a lot. I used to do it online. In an attempt to be "honest". I was commended a lot. And a few brave souls suggested that maybe I wasn't doing myself any favours with this behaviour. I discounted them frequently. Until I started embracing attempting the opposites. And what do you know...they were right! Keeping my sh|t to myself meant I got to work through it with myself rather than through a momentary projection. Keeping inside didn't mean bottling it up, it just meant going inside. Keeping it with professionals didn't mean keeping it hidden, it meant keeping fewer cooks in the kitchen. And the brain is just a big chemistry experiment. So the ingredients are essential. Learning how to regulate nervous system responses rather than intellectualizing them means actually participating in them. Psychotherapy is great for understanding. Breathing is great for controlling. The Internet is great for advertising. Sometimes compartmentalizing is beneficial.
2022-10-17 04:00:24 +0000 UTC View Post
Unsexy Stories: Part 16 I can struggle to be honest in bed too. Just because I can be here, doesn't mean I can always show up there. I try to and sometimes I succeed. And sometimes I let myself down. Energy is intense and it can be hard to break through to redirect if that's the desire. Even with experience. Even with confidence. We're all small at heart.
2022-10-16 04:00:23 +0000 UTC View Post
Unsexy Stories: Part 15 I used to think things like long nails and hair defined me as feminine. So as I rebelled against my ovaries I would abandon these pieces too. So silly. So small. As if fingernails could hold such weight. Or that one of the dead parts of our body could dictate so much about our life. I can never divorce my feminine. No one can. Ovaries or not. Hair or not. Nails or not. We are all both. Always. In all places. Regardless of the outside.
2022-10-15 04:01:04 +0000 UTC View Post
“After all, if you do not resist the apparently inevitable, you will never know how inevitable the inevitable was.”
2022-10-14 13:32:39 +0000 UTC View Post
