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I can cut a piece of wood in half by just looking at it. I k..

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I can cut a piece of wood in half by just looking at it. I know it's hard to believe, but I saw it with my own two eyes.

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What do you call a new baby monkey? A chimp off the old bloc..

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What do you call a new baby monkey? A chimp off the old block

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My dream job would be to clean mirrors. I could really see m..

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My dream job would be to clean mirrors. I could really see myself doing that.

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How do you get in touch with a Roman architect? You column

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Why don't vampires have any friends? Because they're a pain ..

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Why don't vampires have any friends? Because they're a pain in the neck.

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Why did the coffee call the police? It got mugged.

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Why did the coffee call the police? It got mugged.

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I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you kno..

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I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.

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How do you get an astronaut's baby to sleep? You rocket.

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How do you get an astronaut's baby to sleep? You rocket.

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 I like the name Brie, but it's a little cheesy.

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 I like the name Brie, but it's a little cheesy.

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What do you call 2 monkeys that share an Amazon account? Pri..

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What do you call 2 monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.

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I like the name Brie, but it's a little cheesy.

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I like the name Brie, but it's a little cheesy.

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How do you get in touch with a Roman architect? You column.

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Why don't vampires have any friends? Because they're a pain ..

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My dream job would be to clean mirrors. I could really see m..

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My dream job would be to clean mirrors. I could really see myself doing that.

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Why did the coffee call the police? It got mugged.

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Why did the coffee call the police? It got mugged.

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How do you get an astronaut's baby to sleep? You rocket.

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How do you get an astronaut's baby to sleep? You rocket.

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I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you kno..

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What did sushi A say to sushi B? Wasabi!

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What did sushi A say to sushi B? Wasabi!

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A man walks into lawyer's office and asks, "How much for a c..

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A man walks into lawyer's office and asks, "How much for a consultation?" "Three questions for $150 bucks." "Kinda steep, isn't it?" "Yeah, now what's your last question."

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What do you say to your sister when she's crying? "Are you h..

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What do you say to your sister when she's crying?

"Are you having a crisis?"

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I can't take my dog to the park because the ducks keep tryin..

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I can't take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him. I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

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Are you feeling cold? Sit in the corner, it is 90 degrees.

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My mate asked me to stop singing 'Wonderwall'. I said maybee..

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My mate asked me to stop singing 'Wonderwall'. I said maybeeeeeee.

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