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emmahircine posts

Why are spiders so smart? Because they can find everything o..

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Why are spiders so smart? Because they can find everything on the web.

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I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them..

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I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.

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How can you mend a broken pumpkin? By using a pumpkin patch.

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How can you mend a broken pumpkin? By using a pumpkin patch.

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What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? I..

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What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.

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What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This ..

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What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.

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What do you call someone who won't stick to a diet? A desser..

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What do you call someone who won't stick to a diet? A desserter.

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What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A  Lamborghini.

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What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A  Lamborghini.

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I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it’s just a bu..

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I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it’s just a bug going around.

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Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.

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Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.

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Maid in heaven 😍

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Maid in heaven 😍

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Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got..

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Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack.

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***Want it soft or hard?*** 🖤 new gothic bundle of goodies,..

***Want it soft or hard?*** 🖤 new gothic bundle of goodies, featuring never before seen video! 💗 new pink bundle of cute content, feat never before seen video! Only one spin each 🎡

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Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because its mother was in a..

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Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because its mother was in a jam.

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Looking for that earring i lost

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Looking for that earring i lost

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Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ce..

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Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?

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I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn..

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I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.

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What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.

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What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.

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What's a crafty dancer's favourite hobby? Cutting a rug.

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What's a crafty dancer's favourite hobby? Cutting a rug.

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Why did Waldo go to therapy? Because he needed to find himse..

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Why did Waldo go to therapy? Because he needed to find himself.

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What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

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What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

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What does "Rockin' Robin" do when she's bored? Tweet.

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What does "Rockin' Robin" do when she's bored? Tweet.

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It takes guts to be an organ donor.

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It takes guts to be an organ donor.

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What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle..

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What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle? They rose.

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Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.

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Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.

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I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it’s..

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I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.

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You’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you com..

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You’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you come out, but what are you while you’re in the bathroom? European.

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Why did the bedding hide their relationship? They just wante..

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Why did the bedding hide their relationship? They just wanted something pillow-key!

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5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

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5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

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Fancy pants 💎

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Fancy pants 💎

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I've finally bought a new gaming chair! Secretlab is on the ..

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I've finally bought a new gaming chair! Secretlab is on the way 🙌

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